Hanging Around the Usual Suspects: The Blow the Whistle Lineup

 

When Rhonda goes undercover at Bayside, she learns fast that trust is contraband and everyone’s pushing something. The guards deal in intimidation, the gangs deal in loyalty, and  a killer has their hooks in the prisoners in a very literal sense.  Every inmate, officer, and opportunist has a hustle to protect, and Rhonda is about to start tugging threads that were never meant to hold weight. One wrong pull and the whole place could come crashing down like a bad suspension rig. Before the whole system short circuits, let’s step into the lineup. 

THE VICTUM

THE LINEUP

Gia Vasquez was keeping her head down and clawing her way toward a second chance with her daughter. She traded contraband for GED classes, attitude for accountability, and was inches from earning her walk‑out papers when someone inside decided she knew too much. Gia was about to blow the whistle on their secrets, and in a prison where suspension isn’t just a disciplinary measure, she ended up hanging in the most literal sense. By the time Jason and Hashim found her, the hook marks carved into her back made it clear Gia didn’t die for breaking the rules. She died for knowing who was bending them.

Most of the guards at Bayside are worn down and jaded.  Then there’s CO Ryan,  a pudgy, baby‑faced newbie who still looks like he should be asking his mom for permission to stay out past ten. He’s so green you could plant him, but don’t let the soft cheeks fool you. He’s in the perfect position to monitor movement, shuffle paperwork, and redirect suspicion. Maybe that innocent smile is just camouflage. After all, the cleanest uniforms can hide the dirtiest dealings.

Ceci Lambert is the self-proclaimed hammer of the Blood Queens, one of two rival gangs at Bayside.  She’s smart, conniving. Just ambitious enough to stir the pot, but not quite bold enough to grab the crown. No one knows who’s really pulling the strings, and Ceci’s not talking. Rhonda suspects Gia had ties to the Blood Queens; with this gang, loyalty is binding and betrayal comes with strings attached.

Mama Vike, or Evil Stevie, as Rhonda secretly dubs her,  is the frost‑tipped queenpin of the Valkyries, Bayside’s resident white‑supremacists. She’s got her sights set on Rhonda, and she does not take kindly to being told no.  There’s no universe where the Valks would’ve let Gia into their ranks, but if Mama Vike saw Gia’s whistleblowing as a threat to her underground economy, she wouldn’t hesitate to cut the line. In her yard, nobody rises without permission, and snitches don’t just get stitches. They get erased.

Dr. Coffey looks like a man permanently suspended between burnout and boredom. After losing his hospital position, he took the job at the the prison infirmary where the ethics are flexible. He knows exactly how much sedative keeps someone docile. and low long a body can hover between consciousness and catastrophe. If someone needed Gia strung along, Dr. Coffey had both the tools and the knowledge. In a place where prescriptions double as currency, he may be running more than just a clinic.

Iris Vasquez clutches her rosary like it’s the last lifeline she has left. Grief hangs off her shoulders heavier than any sentence, but when Jason and Hashim question her, something feels off. Even on the outside, Iris is tangled in the same web of lies that kept Gia trapped inside Bayside, and every answer she gives feels like the truth is dangling just out of reach.

Warden Maloney pends his day perched on the catwalk in pressed suits and Italian loafers like a correctional gargoyle, staring down at the inmates with disdain. He keeps himself so far removed that if someone were running an illegal operation right under his nose, he’d probably only notice when it messed with his dry‑cleaning schedule. Still, in a prison where secrets hang heavier than the inmates’ disciplinary files, you have to wonder, is he just waiting for the right moment to cut someone loose?

Don Miller is the head guard at Bayside. Balding, with onion breath and more hair in his ears and nose then on his head. Miller’s a CO who thinks respect is something you beat into people, not earn, and he’s never been shy about copping a feel when no one’s watching. Miller’s grabby hands and short fuse make him a prime candidate for crossing the line from harassment to full‑blown abuse. And if Gia threatened to expose him, that might’ve been enough to permanently suspend her privileges.

 

Skinny Skin is twitchy, rail‑thin, and about as bright as a burned‑out exit sign, but what she lacks in brain cells, she makes up for in blind loyalty to the Valkyries. She caters to Mama Vike’s every whim, scurrying around the cellblock and picking fights she can't win. She’s never met a slur she wouldn’t shout, a rule she wouldn’t break, or a bad idea she wouldn’t sprint toward. If Mama Vike needed Gia hung out to dry, Skinny Skin would be the first to volunteer. 

Mariana Pérez is the toughest Puerto Rican Blood Queen on the block, and she’s just days away from getting her walking papers. Freedom might be calling, but that doesn’t mean she’s done looking for trouble. She’s got a temper, a reputation, and a long list of orders. Even if she didn’t kill Gia, Jason and Hashim know she’s the kind of parolee who can turn a routine check‑in into a full‑blown incident report. And if Gia’s death tangled with Blood Queen business, Mariana might leave one final mark before clocking out.

Nurse Thomas is resident nurse running ragged to take care of an overpopulated prison. She had a kind smile, but with access to medical supplies, she could easily keep inmates hooked, sedated, or strung along if the price was right.  Nurse Thomas might know more about Gia’s final moments than she’s letting on, especially if someone pressured her to help cover the tracks.

Lesley Lopez is the closest thing to a witness Rhonda has, but she’s clammed up so tight you’d need bolt cutters and a court order. She was nearby when Gia died, yet now her memory has conveniently gone on lockdown. She seems like she's terrified, and her silence could mean that someone already had their hooks in her.

CO Shultz is always talking about his grandkids, his fishing trips, and the exact number of days until he can retire and never look at another inmate again. He’s the kind of old‑school guard who still calls everyone kid and thinks his pension is the only thing hanging in the balance. But is he looking for creative ways to pad his pension at the prisoners’ expense? Even a tired old CO might be willing to cut a few corners  or cut someone loose if it means a cushier retirement.

Jeannie Wolfe is Bayside’s resident bootleg brewmaster and Ceci’s loyal shadow. She plaits her hair and turns her nose up so high at the Valkyries you’d think she was allergic to white supremacy. She’s also Rhonda’s assigned bunkie, which means Rhonda sleeps with one eye open. Loyalty like hers can be dangerous, but if Wolfe knows who strung Gia up, she's not talking.

Knuckles is the undisputed muscle of the Valkyries. She’s already got a vendetta against Rhonda, and restraint isn’t in her vocabulary. Even Mama Vike can’t keep this live wire under control. The question is whether she’s hooked on violence for the thrill of it, or if she’s trying to earn brownie points with her queenpin. 

And there you have it! Fourteen suspects, any one of whom could be headed for solitary. With this lineup, Blow the Whistle is guaranteed to get you hooked on the Domme Mom Murder Mysteries. Grab your copy on Amazon today and get locked in. And don’t worry. I won’t leave you hanging for long. Book 3, Last Laugh, and Book 4, Chestnuts Roasting, will be hitting shelves before the year’s out, so your next fix is already on the way.

***Images courtesy of Microsoft Copilot and ChatGPT***

Cell Block Rock: The Blow the Whistle Playlist

 

In Blow the Whistle, the stakes are higher, the hooks are sharper, and this time Rhonda isn’t just running D.O.M.M.E., LLC, she’s doing hard time undercover. When she’s not navigating prison politics, dodging shanks, and trying not to smirk her way straight into solitary, the crew still finds a way to clock out at the Bullshot Saloon for a little liquid therapy. Naturally, the karaoke playlist got bigger, louder, and just a little more criminal. Some tracks echo through cell blocks, some shake the Bullshot stage, and a few are rewritten to poke at Jason’s perpetual scowl . So grab your orange jumpsuit and your favorite mic. This soundtrack captures every undercover scheme, every secret, and every off key confession along the way.

Can't Touch This - MC Hammer -Vashaan dusts off his Gen X swagger and claims the mic. With a point at the dommes and a slow head shake, he makes it crystal clear that under his watch, no one touches the doms.

Henry the VIII, I Am - Herman's Hermits - The moment the crew discovers Jason’s full legal name is Egbert Jason Dee VI, the Bullshot transforms into a Tudor court of mockery at the detective's expense. 

The Purple People Eater- Sheb Wooley- Emily, Daphne, and Granger, armed with unicorn horns, bring the house down with this fifties classic.

Help Me Rhonda- The Beach Boys - When Jason and Hashim want to get Rhonda to go undercover to help the women being abused at Bayside, they cue this up and sing it like a desperate campaign jingle. It's Hashim's idea, but Jason is unwillingly dragged along.

Criminal - Fiona Apple - Once Rhonda realizes the harm going down at Bayside, she can't say no, and embraces her new undercover role with this cover.

Mony Mony - Billy Idol - Outside the Dungeon, a sub hums along absentmindedly, and Hashim, unable to resist a catchy hook, joins in.

Anxiety - Doechii - In gen pop at Bayside, the showers echo with this track, and Rhonda’s bravado slips just long enough to remind her what’s at stake.

I Wanne Be Your Dog - The Stooges - After Jason witnesses a leash scene, Benji seizes the opportunity and belts this out at karaoke.

Black Coffee In Bed - Squeeze - Mona makes her Bullshot karaoke debut with this breezy tune, and the entire bar is as enthralled as when she teaches a bondage workshop.

Big Balls AC/DC - Granger and Benji form a temporary alliance solely to declare that Jason has mega phallophobia.

HUMBLE - Kendrick Lamar - After Granger voluntells to dress Jason for his undercover pimp visit, the dommes send him off with this blasting like a walkout anthem.

Caged Bird - Alicia Keys -When a prisoner succumbs to an overdose, an inmate sings this in a moment of shared grief. It’s quiet, haunting, and a reminder that not every story inside Bayside ends with a punchline.

Prison Sex - TOOL -When the cops finally uncover what’s really happening at Bayside, this becomes the unspoken soundtrack.

Monster Mash - The Crypt-Kickers -Halloween at the Bullshot erupts in campy glory as Hashim and Ilana stomp around as Frankenstein and his bride.

Walk Like an Egyptian - Daphne and Katrina glide in as Cleopatra and a pharaoh, striking poses with exaggerated regal flair as they sing this retro number.

Love Interruption - Jack White - At Rhonda’s request, Jason learns this on acoustic. Their duet is charged, but they swear it’s proof they won’t let love derail them. The subtext suggests love is already sharpening its claws.

I Got You Babe - Sonny & Cher - Jeremy and Mavis close the night dressed as Sonny and Cher, cementing their new relationship.

Want to see how these songs weave their way through prison corridors and late nights at the Bullshot? Grab your copy of Blow the Whistle and follow along as each track highlights a different side of the crew, from undercover nerves to barroom bravado and the occasional well-deserved roast of Detective Dee. Some songs bring the laughs, some carry a little weight, and a few say exactly what the characters can’t. Press play, turn the page, and see how the music sets the tone for every twist.

**Image created with the help of Microsoft Copilot.**

Booked, Cuffed, and Complicated: The Lovers of the Domme Mom Series

 

Last year, I introduced you to the cops and doms of the Domme Mom Murder Mysteries. This year, with Blow the Whistle about to breach containment, we’re doing a relationship lineup. While Rhonda’s going undercover in prison, the rest of the cast is out here committing crimes of passion, reckless devotion, and aggravated smoldering. So step up to the glass, pick up the visitation phone, and meet the couples of Domme Mom — the legally bonded, the emotionally detained, the poly-confined, and the two who insist they are absolutely not romantically incarcerated.

Detective Hashim Waqar and Ilana Waqar

Charges:
First-degree wholesomeness. Aggravated mutual respect. Possession of excessive emotional maturity.

Alibi:
Seven years married and still functioning like a two-person SWAT team. Even fertility struggles haven’t shaken their foundation. 

Relationship Status:
Serving life voluntarily. No chance of parole, no interest in escape, and possibly adding a small new recruit to the unit soon.

Emily (Mistress Coyote) Wiley and Tim Wiley

Charges:
Felony-level role reversal. Intent to distribute stability.

Alibi:
Emily runs D.O.M.M.E., LLC like a warden with fabulous eyeliner. Tim holds down the home front as a bald, devoted stay-at-home dad who radiates secure masculinity. He’s not threatened by her domme life. She comes home to him every night, and he wears that confidence better than a full head of hair.

Relationship Status:
Maximum security marriage. Zero drama contraband. When she’s in charge and he’s in his lane, the whole facility runs like a well-oiled guard tower.

Daphne Dinklehopper (Mistress Sparkles) and Katrina Jones

Charges:
Opposites attracting with suspicious efficiency. Excessive cuteness in the first degree.

Alibi:
Daphne is giggles and furry fantasy. Katrina is spreadsheets and sweater vests. Daphne may dominate men professionally, but at home she happily pleads guilty to loving one woman.

Relationship Status:
Sunshine meets structure. Katrina is the only person Daphne would share a cell with, and she’d decorate it with fairy lights.

Mavis Kim and Jeremy Sylvester (One Nip)

Charges:
Suspicious cross-wiring between a forensic genius and a  himbo. Illegal levels of height disparity.

Alibi:
Mavis can solve a murder with three fibers and a withering glance. Jeremy is built like a tank and powered entirely by feelings.

Relationship Status:
Brain meets brawn. She runs the lab. He carries her and the groceries. 

Mona Lyon (Governess Elara) and Vashaan Jacobs (Black Silk)

Charges:
Unexpected emotional vulnerability. Breaking and entering each other’s armored hearts.

Alibi:
Vashaan, the Marine-turned-head-of-security who looks carved from granite, somehow folded for Mona, the legendary domme who can silence a room with one lifted brow. The Dungeon’s unofficial mom and dad are co-parenting feelings.

Relationship Status:
Newly bonded with suspicious permanence. The kind of connection that makes everyone else wonder if fate had them on the roster all along.

Benjamin Gigl (Master Obelisk) and his Moresome

Charges: Operating an unlicensed seven‑person love unit and refusing to limit affection to standard capacity.

Alibi: Benji’s our proud poly dom with a steady roster of partners — punky Autumn, goth Thora, sporty Forest, former‑Amish Elijah, pixie-force Gwen, and non‑binary Chris. They share a home, a calendar that probably requires color coding, and more communication than a hostage negotiation team.

Relationship Status:

Fully operational love collective. No revolving cellmates. No emotional overcrowding. 

Granger Cattau (Master Ranger)

Charges: Being flamboyant, fabulous, and the only unattached dom still roaming free.

Alibi: Sure, he’s single, but only because the universe is saving someone special for him. Until that arresting moment arrives, he’s giving all his love to Broadway, where he remains a repeat offender in first degree showmanship.

Relationship Status: Currently unclaimed, but not for long. Word on the cell block is that the new year has a surprise inmate with his name on it.

Rhonda Campbell (Mistress Kali) and Detective Jason Dee

Charges: Second-degree chemistry. Obstruction of their own feelings. Reckless endangerment via eye contact.

Alibi: Rhonda swears she’s too busy running D.O.M.M.E., LLC to notice Jason’s brooding stare; Jason insists he’s just here to solve crimes. They deny everything. 

Relationship Status: A slow burn so intense it needs supervision. The entire cell block knows it’s only a matter of time before these two plead guilty to love.

And that’s just roll call, folks. Consider this your first supervised visit with the Domme Mom Universe. You’ll be seeing a whole lot more of them, their partners, polycules, and Broadway obsessions as the series continues. Their stories are only getting wilder, their love lives getting messier, and their jail‑worthy antics are just warming up.

If you want front‑row access to the next round of shenanigans, order Blow the Whistle now, available exclusively on Amazon.

**Images created with Microsoft CoPilot***

Tickled to Death is FREE to Celebrate the Release of Blow the Whistle!

Crime was yesterday’s kink… until it came crawling back.

Former paralegal Rhonda Campbell left the law behind when she swapped legal pads for latex. Now, as Mistress Kali, she runs the most exclusive BDSM dungeon in Atlantic City, where pleasure pays the bills and fantasy is always in play—until a longtime client is smothered with a French tickler. Talk about a safe word fail.

Enter newly relocated Detective Jason Dee, fresh off the gritty streets of Philly and itching for a real case—because so far, New Jersey’s biggest offense seems to be overpriced cocktails. When he finally lands a murder investigation, his prime suspect is a whip-smart, leather-clad domme who’s as infuriating as she is intriguing.

With a killer on the loose and tensions rising, Rhonda and Jason must combine their expertise in sex and homicide to crack the case—before another victim is tickled to death.

Grab a copy of Tickled to Death today. Available exclusively on Amazon.

 At Bayside Women’s Correctional Facility, justice isn’t just blind. It’s bound, gagged, and begging for mercy.

Rhonda Campbell thought she flogged her last case with the Atlantic City Police, but when an inmate turns up dead with telltale suspension marks, the cops come calling again. With the murder pointing to kink, coverups, and dirty power plays, Rhonda agrees to go undercover behind bars, where the guards are shady, the gangs are mean, and the jumpsuits are definitely not her color.

Meanwhile, Detective Jason Dee’s been reassigned from homicide to handling crop-wielding dominas and wayward subs. While Rhonda plays prisoner, he and his partner are stuck guarding the Dungeon. His feelings for Mistress Kali are as complex as her contract negotiations and just as dangerous, but when the prison gig needs a visitor with street cred, Jason’s all in, even if playing her pimp means risking more than just his dignity.

With lives on the line and secrets tightening like a velvet cuff, Rhonda and Jason need to blow the whistle on this prison scandal before another girl ends up permanently suspended.

Print and eBook available now exclusively on Amazon! Audio book is currently in production, narrated by Maggie Weber from Refashioned Hippie! 

Blow the Whistle, A Domme Dom Murder Mystery is Available Now!

 At Bayside Women’s Correctional Facility, justice isn’t just blind. It’s bound, gagged, and begging for mercy.

Rhonda Campbell thought she flogged her last case with the Atlantic City Police, but when an inmate turns up dead with telltale suspension marks, the cops come calling again. With the murder pointing to kink, coverups, and dirty power plays, Rhonda agrees to go undercover behind bars, where the guards are shady, the gangs are mean, and the jumpsuits are definitely not her color.

Meanwhile, Detective Jason Dee’s been reassigned from homicide to handling crop-wielding dominas and wayward subs. While Rhonda plays prisoner, he and his partner are stuck guarding the Dungeon. His feelings for Mistress Kali are as complex as her contract negotiations and just as dangerous, but when the prison gig needs a visitor with street cred, Jason’s all in, even if playing her pimp means risking more than just his dignity.

With lives on the line and secrets tightening like a velvet cuff, Rhonda and Jason need to blow the whistle on this prison scandal before another girl ends up permanently suspended.

Print and eBook available now exclusively on Amazon! Audio book is currently in production, narrated by Maggie Weber from Refashioned Hippie! 

Coming Spring 2026 - Blow the Whistle - A Domme Mom Murder Mystery - Book 2

 

At Bayside Women’s Correctional Facility, justice isn’t just blind. It’s bound, gagged, and begging for mercy.

Rhonda Campbell thought she flogged her last case with the Atlantic City Police, but when an inmate turns up dead with telltale suspension marks on her back, the cops come calling again. With the murder pointing to kink, coverups, and dirty power plays, Rhonda agrees to go undercover behind bars, where the guards are shady, the gangs are mean, and the jumpsuits are definitely not her color.

Meanwhile, Detective Jason Dee’s been reassigned from homicide to handling crop-wielding dominas and wayward subs. While Rhonda plays prisoner, he and his partner are stuck guarding the Dungeon. His feelings for Mistress Kali are as complex as her contract negotiations and just as dangerous, but when the prison gig needs a visitor with street cred, Jason’s all in, even if playing her pimp means risking more than just his dignity.

With lives on the line and secrets tightening like a velvet cuff, Rhonda and Jason need to blow the whistle on this prison scandal before another girl ends up permanently suspended.

 

Book 1, Tickled to death, is available now, exclusively on Amazon.

Crime was yesterday’s kink… until it came crawling back.

Former paralegal Rhonda Campbell left the law behind when she swapped legal pads for latex. Now, as Mistress Kali, she runs the most exclusive BDSM dungeon in Atlantic City, where pleasure pays the bills and fantasy is always in play—until a longtime client is smothered with a French tickler. Talk about a safe word fail.

Enter newly relocated Detective Jason Dee, fresh off the gritty streets of Philly and itching for a real case—because so far, New Jersey’s biggest offense seems to be overpriced cocktails. When he finally lands a murder investigation, his prime suspect is a whip-smart, leather-clad domme who’s as infuriating as she is intriguing.

With a killer on the loose and tensions rising, Rhonda and Jason must combine their expertise in sex and homicide to crack the case—before another victim is tickled to death.

 

 

 

Get Tickled to Death for FREE for a Limited Time!

Crime was yesterday’s kink… until it came crawling back.

Former paralegal Rhonda Campbell left the law behind when she swapped legal pads for latex. Now, as Mistress Kali, she runs the most exclusive BDSM dungeon in Atlantic City, where pleasure pays the bills and fantasy is always in play—until a longtime client is smothered with a French tickler. Talk about a safe word fail.

Enter newly relocated Detective Jason Dee, fresh off the gritty streets of Philly and itching for a real case—because so far, New Jersey’s biggest offense seems to be overpriced cocktails. When he finally lands a murder investigation, his prime suspect is a whip-smart, leather-clad domme who’s as infuriating as she is intriguing.

With a killer on the loose and tensions rising, Rhonda and Jason must combine their expertise in sex and homicide to crack the case—before another victim is tickled to death.

Grab a copy of Tickled to Death today. Available exclusively on Amazon.

 

A Killer Cover Deserves Your Vote!

 

Move over boring book covers—Tickled to Death is strutting onto the scene in stilettos and handcuffs, and she's not here to play nice.

My hilarious, high-heeled murder mystery has been nominated for Best Cover on BookShelf.com, and I need your help to show the world that a good murder deserves a great outfit.

For those just tuning in, Tickled to Death is the perfect blend of sass, scandal, and suspicious behavior—starring a  no-nonsense dominatrix and a bewildered cop who can't decide if he's investigating her or falling for her. Add in some saucy suspects, outrageous outfits, and one very dead body, and you've got a mystery that's as twisted as a whip crack in the dark.

The cover, designed by the fabulous Anne Hoelz? Just as bold and unforgettable as the book itself. So if you're into crime scenes with couture, cast your vote and help this deadly diva slay the contest.

🗳️ Vote here: https://www.booksshelf.com/book-cover-contest

👠 Because solving crimes is serious business—but looking fabulous while doing it? That's mandatory.

Behind the Book with Coyote From Tickled to Death

You know you’re living your truth as an author when your friend wraps you in cellophane and smacks you with your own book—for research purposes, of course.

Let me explain.

Recently, my friend Emily and I had a little impromptu photoshoot with the print copy of Tickled to Death. She’s not just a friend, though—Emily is the real-life inspiration behind Coyote, one of the dommes in the book. If you've read it, you already know that Coyote doesn’t play. She’s fierce, chaotic, creative, and totally unapologetic in the best possible way. Sound familiar?

One of my favorite—and let’s be honest, wildest—scenes in the book involves a creative use of cellophane and a very flustered submissive. That scene? 100% Emily’s fault. She helped me brainstorm it, acted it out in her living room with far too much enthusiasm, and then insisted we reenact a tiny bit of it for the camera. Hence, the photos: me, wrapped like a spicy little gift, and her, gleefully using Tickled to Death as a paddle.

Writing this book was already an adventure. Sharing it with the people who helped inspire it? That’s the real reward. (Even if my butt’s still a little sore.)

Want to see how it all plays out on the page? Grab your copy of Tickled to Death on Amazon. You’ll never look at cellophane the same way again.

Stay spicy!

Tickled to Death: AI Image Bloopers and Kinky Chaos

 

I was on the fence about using AI to create images, but I figured as long as it’s just for fun and not part of the official novel, what could possibly go wrong? Spoiler alert: a lot. Apparently, AI has its own idea of what "realistic" looks like—and sometimes it’s completely off the rails. I had no idea how many “What even is this?” moments I’d have. Here are some of my favorite AI bloopers that had me and my editor Anne cracking up—and let’s be honest, a blooper reel seemed like a very necessary evil. So, without further ado, here are the most insane AI creations that came out while I was trying to bring the cops, dommes, and suspects of Tickled to Death to life. Prepare yourselves for some hilariously absurd visual chaos!

Gino – Apparently, being sleazy, greasy, or a stereotypical Italian violates AI guidelines, but lobster claws for hands? Oh yeah, that’s totally fine in the AI world. My exact request was for an angry, plus-size Italian cooking seafood. What did I get? A lobster-hand-wielding chef. If Gino had any idea what AI thought of him, he’d probably serve them a side of revenge with extra butter.

Carol – For my first attempt at creating Carol, I specifically wanted to include the gold cross she wears in every scene. What did AI give me? Reverend Carol, complete with a collar and an aura of holiness that had me questioning if she was about to start a sermon instead of, you know, plotting murder. I had to throw in the towel pretty quickly on that one—apparently, AI has a divine sense of humor.

Sally – I asked for an uptight blonde in a black business suit looking annoyed. What did I get? Two people. One was a beatnik who looked like they were about to drop a poetry slam, and the other was a blonde holding an oversized bottle of beer, like she was ready to party in the middle of a board meeting. I still have no idea how AI made that leap, but maybe it knew Sally had a thing for younger men—though, at the time, I hadn’t spilled the beans on that yet. Guess AI’s got some insider info.

Lisa – Technically, yes, AI did deliver on a woman with long brown hair scowling in a toga, but what I got wasn’t exactly what I had in mind. Apparently, AI decided to throw in a whole anime twist for good measure. Instead of the sultry, disgruntled casino hostess I envisioned, I got a character who looked like she was about to drop a dramatic battle cry in the middle of an ancient Roman fight scene. Not exactly the vibe I was going for, but hey, at least she was scowling.

The Bullshot Saloon – Even the scenery turned into a wild ride with AI. I asked for a saloon in the heart of Atlantic City, and what did I get? A ghost town bar straight out of the Wild West. Apparently, AI thought I was writing a spaghetti western, not a murder mystery set in the bright lights of Atlantic City. It’s like they got so caught up in the “saloon” part that they forgot there shouldn't be tumbleweeds rolling through.

Granger / Master Ranger– I’m still not sure how AI turned Granger into a character straight out of Street Fighter, but all I could think was, Guile. Seriously, I was getting major Sonic Boom vibes from him. Just me? Maybe it’s because I’m a Gen Xer, but I half-expected Granger to start throwing hadoukens and shoryukens at the suspects instead of solving a murder. I mean, who knew AI was so into fighting game nostalgia?

Jeremy / One Nip – I mean… really, AI? This is so close to a Hulk copyright violation that I’m surprised Marvel hasn’t shown up at my door yet. Is this seriously your idea of a muscular ginger? And as Anne pointed out, where the heck is One Nip supposed to buy his shirts? Apparently, AI thinks his pecs are too big for any normal fabric to handle, so it just skipped that whole "clothing" detail. Guess we’ll have to send him to a specialty store for extra-large t-shirts.

Hashim – Maybe it’s the dad jokes? Maybe AI knew the gang loves karaoke, but how in the world did my detective of Middle Eastern descent end up holding a mic? I mean, sure, Hashim has a voice, but I wasn’t planning on him singing his way through the case. AI took “detective” and turned it into “karaoke superstar”, like he’s about to drop a power ballad in the middle of an interrogation. Guess it’s all part of Hashim’s charming multitalented persona.

Jason – You’d think a generic blonde cop would be easy, right? WRONG. I just wanted to add a few tattoos, and suddenly AI turned him into a heroin addict. When I asked for clean shaven, AI decided to send him back to the police academy. But the real kicker? When I specifically asked for no facial hair and got... an invisible freaking detective. What the actual hell, AI? It’s like I asked for a cop and got a ghost on a stakeout instead. Maybe next time I’ll try asking for a blonde with tattoos and no weird supernatural powers.

These were just some of my favorite screw-ups. It took three days and a lot of failed attempts before I finally got images that mostly matched my vision. The kicker, though, is that despite all the very strict guidelines flagging words like attractive, voluptuous, and sleazy, AI had no problem creating my furry expert Daphne. It captured her perfectly my first try! What a wild ride! I learned a lot about AI, but I can promise you this: my books and covers will always be 100% human-created! Big thanks to my editor Anne, not just for inspiring this fun post, but for being the brilliant mastermind behind the Tickled to Death cover and for tirelessly editing my work. Tickled to Death and the Doms wouldn’t be nearly as kinky without her. So, here’s to human creativity—AI can keep the invisible detective and ginger Hulk. We’re sticking with real talent.

Grab a copy of Tickled to Death today. Available exclusively on Amazon.

**Image generated by Microsoft Copilot AI.**